Spontaneity

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Hello friends,

College started up again and completely took me by storm. Nearing the end of summer vacation I truly thought that I would document all of it, the move in process and the beginning of school – but it didn’t happen. It was a huge blur of IKEA and Target runs, humid Atlanta weather, and nerves. Lots of nerves. Freshman year was hard for me; the transition and demands of independence overwhelmed me and I found myself really missing home and my family. I had kind friends, they didn’t go out, make bad decisions, or adventure at all really. Most days we would sit and study in our pajamas and then maybe watch some tv. It was a calm, peaceful existence. Partying and rash decisions have never been particularly enticing to me, but I really wanted to have fun in other ways.

My friends from High School would post pictures of their friends going on adventures and having fun. Going to bouncy castles and coffee shops. Reading books, going to concerts and becoming more cultured. Growing into adults. Forming their own opinions of the world.

I found myself feeling really lonely. I wanted to go out, explore, see some of Atlanta. I wanted to have some stories to tell. At the beginning of this year, I told my friends that I wanted to do that and they were really on board. But, my hopes were controlled. I didn’t expect much and rightfully so. At a school like Georgia Tech, academics come first – as they should- but they can become all encompassing. The steady flow of homework and projects can become a dull hum that envelops everything. They are like blinders on a race horse, directing us in the direction of good grades and some arbitrary definition of success. I do love learning and challenging myself, but not all the time. I can’t do it all the time. I don’t want years to go by, and to have good grades and no experiences. That may work for some, but it won’t for me.

Now, a little over a month into school I have successfully done a few fun things. I was in a small skit with the Drama Club and went to half a football game. My friend Divya and I joined Art Club, and I have started learning some new techniques. Every Friday (kinda) we paint to Disney music, and I enjoy it quite a lot. We studied in a cafe and went on a hike. Yesterday, we went to Six Flags and went on some pretty crazy rides.

I think what I am truly craving is spontaneity. I want to drop everything and run. I want to do something memorable and impactful. If anything, I just want to go out. I want to get sushi and ice-cream one evening, or watch a movie in the theater. I want to go shopping.

I wonder if one day I will be excited to do those things on my own. My friends are lovely people, with homey interests. They are home bees who love being cozy on the sofa and quite days doing homework or just being relaxed. I love that too.

I dunno, I want sushi.

 

 

 

 

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